Chapter 10

 The next two months that followed were really hard for me. I was relieved that Patrick was getting better but I missed Joe and there was not a day that I didn’t think about him, wondering what he was doing and if he was thinking of me, my body aching for him. I thought about writing him a letter but I wasn’t really any good at putting my thoughts on paper and I wasn’t sure how I could get it to him anyway. He knew I loved him and he had to know I would come back as soon as I possibly could. That’s all I allowed myself to think. 

I took a job at the first hotel that would hire me, to make ends meet while Patrick was recovering his strength. I had already made up my mind that he would have to come with me to Beechworth, I didn’t care what I had to do to convince him. We had been apart long enough, but not even for Patrick would I give up Joe. 

“I want you to come and live in Beechworth,” I said to Patrick the day he was well enough to leave the hospital. Mr. Vandenberg’s sister had insisted that we stay with her until Patrick was strong enough to travel.  I had finally told Patrick everything about Joe, including the fact that he wouldn’t consider leaving Victoria. While Patrick had been visibly shocked to hear that I was in love with a wanted man, he knew me well enough to realize it was pointless for him to say anything.  

“You are right Eileen, we should not be so far apart. I think I have seen enough of the goldfields and Beechworth sounds no worse than a lot of other places, I’m willing to give it a try.” I was relieved I didn’t need to talk him into it, but I also knew my brother and had a suspicion he wanted to come and see the situation for himself. I didn’t really care what his reasons were, as long as he was coming with me. 

It was already September and spring was well on its way when Patrick and I stepped off the train at Beechworth. I felt like I had been away for years even though it had only been about three months and everything looked just the same. I had sent a telegram to Mr. Vandenberg and we were to stay at The Vine for the first night and I was grateful for that, I wasn’t sure I could have handled staying at my little house where everything would have reminded me of Joe. I resolved to find Tom as soon as I could, to let him know I was back, but I already felt better knowing that I was closer to Joe and would surely see him soon. 

As soon as we were settled into our rooms at the back of The Vine, I left Patrick talking with Mr. Vandenberg and made my way into the bar to talk to Mary.  

“I’m so glad you’re back Eileen and that your brother is recovered. He’s quite a handsome fellow isn’t he?” I had noticed Mary’s eyes light up when she was introduced to Patrick and didn’t mind in the least.  

“He’ll need a bit of fattening up but he’s not bad I suppose,” I laughed. “And while we’re on the subject of handsome fellows, you wouldn’t have any news for me?” I’m sure my face betrayed my anxiousness and Mary’s eyes softened.  

“Aye, I do. That Tom Lloyd was here the other night, asking if we’d had any news of you. He’s been coming every week since you left. I told him you’d be coming back today.” She took my hand and smiled. “He came back earlier today to leave you a message. The house is ready tonight, he said to tell you.” I think I forgot to breathe for a moment but Mary hugged me and winked. “Go on Eileen, I will sort everything out here with your brother. I’ll even keep him company if he feels lonely without you!”  I think I was grinning from ear to ear when I ran to get my shawl and slipped out the back door. 

I don’t really remember much about that walk; I was in such a hurry that I don’t think my feet touched the ground. All the while I was telling myself to calm down, that Joe might not even be there, something could have happened to prevent him from coming. When my house came into view, I broke into a run, my heart in my throat. Once I got to the door, I stopped and took a deep breath and tried to neaten my hair as best I could. Then I slowly pushed it open and my heart sank. He wasn’t there. I told myself it was early still, he might have been delayed but I couldn’t help feeling disappointed as I went in. I let my eyes wander round the house, looking for signs that Joe had been there but it all looked exactly as I had left it. Except… there was a bunch of bush flowers in a jug on the table and they looked freshly picked. I turned back towards the door at the same moment that Joe said “Eileen” and my knees buckled. The next minute I was in his arms and I don’t know which one of us held on tighter, his lips against my hair, my cheek against his shoulder as I breathed in the familiar smell of the bush, tobacco and leather that was Joe.

 

I had waited so long to be back in his arms and so it seemed had he, his mouth desperately seeking mine and I put all my longing and desperation to be his again in that first kiss.  

“Jesus I missed you Eileen,” he whispered somewhere in between pulling my clothes off and setting me on fire with his hands and mouth. “Promise me you will never leave me again like that” – he stopped to look at me, his curls all tousled and his eyes dark, the long lashes casting a shadow over the sharp angles of his cheekbones. I was drowning in his eyes and he took my breath away, my beautiful Joe.  

“I promise,” I whispered back and finally we were together again, my body opening up for him and still it was nowhere near enough. “Just don’t let me go”, I pleaded and he didn’t, taking me with him and holding on till we both lay there exhausted. 

“Your brother – he’s better now?” Joe’s hands were gently moving down my back and then up my arms, as if he was making sure that I was really there and solid. I lifted my head off his chest to smile at him.  

“He’s fine. I brought him with me, he’s back at The Vine.” Joe’s hands had moved up to cup my face and I closed my eyes. All the heartache and questions and doubts I had had no longer mattered, we were together, here and now. “I’m sorry Joe, that I had to leave like that and could not tell you…” I cried then, relieved to be back in his arms and Joe just held me.  

“I know lass, it’s all right. I worried for you and thought about you too, you know that don’t you?” The look in his eyes – everything my heart was crying out for was there and I understood it hadn’t been easy for him either. “Your vest kept me warm” – he smiled and kissed my hair – “and knowing that you were thinking of me and would come back as soon as you could… I don’t have a lot left to look forward to anymore Eileen.” I knew what he was saying and I didn’t want to hear it. I had had a taste of what life was like without him and I didn’t want to know.  

“You have me Joe, I love you and that will never change,” I said fiercely and covered his mouth with a passionate kiss. His hands went into my hair as our bodies melded together and everything else faded away. 

“You wouldn’t have heard about Aaron yet,” Joe said later and I was surprised by the tone of his voice, he sounded almost bitter. I turned to look at him.  

“What happened – did the coppers find him?”  

Joe’s face was grim. “They found him alright, didn’t take them too long either. They made a big show of it at court but in the end he was let off.” He was quiet for a while and I wondered if he was starting to doubt Aaron. “We asked him to join us before, did you know that?”  

I nodded. “Tom told me.”  

Joe pushed his fingers into his hair, as if he was trying to reorder his thoughts. “Twice we asked him and he said he couldn’t. Well, who can blame him really, it is no life what we have.” This was the first time I had heard desperation in Joe’s voice. “I can’t even go out openly with my girl.”  

I hugged him to me then. “It doesn’t matter Joe.”  

He shook his head. “It does matter lass. You deserve so much more.” He stroked my hair. “Aaron can go out, he doesn’t need to sneak around in the dark. He’s got himself a new girl now too. He’s been showing off all around Beechworth, like he owns the place. He told me he never got the money I sent him after Jerilderie; does he take me for a fool? My own brother told me he gave him the money. He leads my sister along and then he puts my mother through that charade with the coppers. We’ve been mates a long time but there are things a mate doesn’t do.” I was surprised; I had never heard Joe talk like that about Aaron before. I was beginning to understand that a lot of things had changed while I had been away. 

The night was over much too quickly even though we didn’t really waste much of it sleeping. There was desperation in our lovemaking that wasn’t just making up for time we had lost while we had been apart. Looking back now I think we both knew in our hearts that this was all there was and that time was running out on us.  

Dawn was already breaking when Joe gave me one last kiss at the door. I knew he needed me more than he ever had before so I did my best to stay strong for him.  

“I promise I will be here Joe, whenever you need me.” I even managed to smile. His fingers brushed my cheek and he was gone. I went back to my empty bed that still smelled of him and lay down. I closed my eyes and went through every moment since Joe had walked in the door the night before – every word, every look, every kiss, every caress and every sigh of pleasure. We were back together again. That was all that mattered. 

But the world wasn’t done with us yet.