 Chapter 8Joe and I spent that entire day alone
together. Long, unhurried hours, the rain beating down outside. I hold the
memory of that day close to my heart, because we had never been so open and
honest with each other before. It gave me a glimpse of what we could have had,
had life turned out differently. I think maybe even then I somehow realized how
short our time together was to be. I was darning Joe’s socks, I had noticed
the holes in them and it felt good to be able to do something like that for him.
We were just getting into winter and I thought I would knit him a vest; at least
I could help keep him warm when he wasn’t with me. Joe had his head bent over
another one of his books, one hand keeping the book open on the table, the other
pushing back the hair that had grown quite long, the curls reaching down onto
his collar. I let my hands fall into my lap and just sat there looking at him.
Even now, if I close my eyes, I can see him sitting there, a slight frown of
concentration on his forehead, the sweeping curve of his eyelashes, the line of
his jaw. He must have felt my eyes on him because he looked up, smiled and
closed the book. “Come here Eileen,” his arms open and
then closing around me, holding me, my face against his hair. “Don’t go yet, please Joe.” Darkness was
falling and the rain had eased and I knew he would soon be on his way. He pulled
me down onto his lap. “There’s no rush lass,” his eyes on mine
and suddenly he winked. “Can’t go without me socks now can I? And I have to
thank you properly for mending them.” His lips touched mine, softly, and I
closed my eyes, threading my fingers in his curls and pulling his head closer. I
had just spent a whole day with him, it was the most we’d ever had together and
yet it was nowhere near enough. “Eileen,” he held my face, eyes intent
upon mine. “I should tell you to find someone else. Every time I come here, you
run the risk of getting into trouble with the coppers, they can throw you into
gaol just for being with me. It’s selfish of me to put you in that situation.”
I looked back at him. “Joe, I’m in love
with you. There’s nothing you can say to change that. I need you and you said
you needed me too. Don’t…” I didn’t trust my voice to continue but I could see
he understood. “Oh lass, I wish I could give you a
different life, I wish I could give us all a different life, where we could go
about our business without having to worry about the coppers and being Irish.”
There was a hint of despair in his eyes but then he smiled. “My beautiful
Eileen,” his hands were smoothing down my hair, “this is how I think of you when
I’m not here.” His fingertips traced over my cheekbones and down to my lips. I
closed my eyes when his hands slid lower and deft fingers started unbuttoning my
dress. His lips were on mine and all I wanted was for time to stand
still. But minutes rushed past and turned into
hours and the inevitable could no longer be delayed. He stayed as long as he
could and I watched him get dressed by the light of the candle, daybreak nearly
upon us. I didn’t want him to go. “What will become of us Joe?”
He knelt in front of me, taking hold of
my hands, his eyes on mine, unwavering. “I’m an outlaw, Eileen, there’s a price
on my head. You know what that means.” And of course I did but maybe I had to
hear it from him. “Will you not consider leaving Victoria?
You know I would go with you, wherever you asked.” He touched my cheek gently. “Oh lass…
This is where I belong, you too, this is our country. Could you really imagine
us living anywhere else, among strangers, somewhere where we don’t know the land
and it doesn’t know us? I’m sorry Eileen, I know this is not what you wanted me
to say. I can’t give you the kind of life you should have. Why do you think I
told you to find someone else?” I held onto his hands, willing the tears
away. “I told you before Joe, I don’t want anyone else. I love you. I made my
choice that night you walked me home for the first time and I have never wished
I hadn’t.” He closed his eyes for a moment, fighting
for composure. “Eileen…” I hugged him to me. “You said you needed
me and I will be here, whatever happens.” He held me tight then and we stayed
like that for a long moment, neither of us speaking. At the door he finally spoke, his voice
hoarse. “I’m not sure when I can come and see you again lass, I’ll send word
with Tom.” His arms around me, he didn’t want to let go either. “You look after
yourself now.” One last kiss and he was gone and I let the tears
flow. I had always found it hard to part from
Joe, but this time was a hundred times worse. His presence filled my little
house even though he was gone and I sat on my bed, wrapped in the blanket that
still smelled of him and went over every word he had said to me. I was his girl.
He needed me like I needed him. And he wouldn’t leave Victoria. I looked my
future in the eye that morning and I knew that unless there was a miracle, it
would all end in heartache. Yet even now, knowing what was to come, I would do
it all again in a heartbeat. What Joe and I shared was something that shone so
bright that everything else just faded away. Precious moments that outweighed
even the crushing pain of having to go on living without him. So I squared my shoulders and went on
with my life as best I could. The weather turned bitterly cold as we got further
into June. The icy winds blowing down from the mountains brought the smell of
snow and I worried about Joe being cold somewhere out there. I got some wool and
knitted him a vest and that made me feel better, that I was able to do something
that would bring comfort to him. I knew Tom would come by sooner or later and I
could ask him to take it to Joe if I didn’t see him myself, so I wrapped it up
in an old newspaper and carried it with me to The Vine every
day. Things were quiet for a while, the only
big news was that Aaron Sherritt had disappeared and the coppers were looking
for him. Joe’s mother had followed through with her threat and had sworn a
complaint against him on account of the horse Charlie and Aaron had responded by
vanishing. I have to admit I felt sorry for him but at the same time there was
some grim satisfaction in knowing that he would now get a taste of the fugitive
life that Joe and Ned and the others were forced to endure. It was three weeks since I’d last seen
Joe and I was getting desperate, imagining all sorts of things that could have
happened when Tom finally came to The Vine. It was a quiet night, with only a
handful of the regular drinkers, sitting as close to the blazing fire as they
could get. I had gone to get some more whiskey from the storeroom and when I
came back into the bar, Tom was standing there, unwinding a long scarf from
around his neck, his face grim. “Tom! Is everything alright?” I asked, my
heart jumping into my throat. He gave me a smile. “Nice to see you too,
Eileen! Calm down lass, and pour me a whiskey, I think the blood has frozen in
my veins.” I got him a drink and he knocked it back in one gulp. “Joe’s fine
lass.” He patted my hand and I let out the breath I’d been holding, and refilled
his glass. “He will come and see you soon, but with Aaron going missing the
coppers are a bit too lively around here lately.” He glanced towards the other
patrons and lowered his voice further. “Joe and Ned actually asked him to join
them – I could have told them it was a waste of time, a copper’s son is a
copper’s son, no matter what he says. As if he would sacrifice his comfortable
living! I’m quite convinced the coppers are in on the whole thing, you’ll see,
they’ll capture him soon enough and there’ll be a trial and he’ll be let off.
They should just shoot him for the traitor he is, I know Joe’s own mother thinks
Aaron’s leading us all a merry dance.” Tom’s voice was bitter and he shook his
head. “He will bring us all down one day. I only hope Joe and Ned realize that
before it’s too late.” I poured him another drink and changed
the subject. “I’ve got something for Joe. Would you take it to him for me, Tom?”
I went and got out the package and handed it to him. “Of course Eileen.” He gave me a smile.
“Joe is a lucky man and sure he knows it too. I’m sorry that things can’t be
easier for you.” He leant across the bar and kissed my cheek. “Bye lass, take
care. I’m sure you’ll see him soon.” I fervently hoped so too but I was to
find fate had something else planned. |