“I cannot believe it has been five years since I saw Ned Kelly.” “Actually about five years and seven months.” “I thought time was not an issue where you are.” “Well it isn’t really but since you brought it up…” “It’s interesting they picked Orlando to play you when he looks nothing like you – he’s got dark hair and brown eyes, your hair was described as ‘sandy’ I believe, and your eyes are blue.” “Ah, mere details, you do seem hung up on those a bit too much sometimes lass… I think you need to lighten up a little. It was more about getting my charisma across and I believe he did a very good job with that! The accent didn’t hurt either, although it makes me laugh to hear them debate about that. What’s it matter, really? It’s the words that are important, not the accent they are delivered in.” “It was also very clever to have him speak Cantonese – well I assume it was Cantonese, my language skills let me down there. Not that most women cared, all they wanted was to jump into that bath with him!” “I seem to remember you were quite taken by him yourself.” ”I never denied that. He was hot as hell.” “So you agree it was a stroke of genius, to have him play me?” “It certainly guaranteed you an audience you might not have otherwise had. Look at that old tv series The Last Outlaw – I’m sorry but Steve Bisley is not exactly heartthrob material! John Jarratt as Ned I did like though.” “Poor Steve. He did his best. It’s hardly his fault he didn’t have my natural charm.” “And who played you in that disaster of a movie where Mick Jagger played Ned? I don’t think anyone even knows!” “Actually it was Mark McManus – better known as Taggart to most people. But I have to agree with you, neither of them could really do me justice, it was such a shame. Orlando was a lot more open to me, quite easy to influence really. Did you see that interview he did on set in Clunes? He had no idea – ‘kind of, you know, um, boys’ own stuff’ – honestly! He would not have survived a day as the real Joe Byrne! It was a different story by the end of filming though, I think some of me rubbed off on him actually.” “You never did suffer from overt modesty did you? A lot of people would agree he’s much better looking than you.” “It’s about more than looks, lass. Let’s just see if people still remember him one hundred and twenty-eight years after his death! And you’re not seriously telling me that you would pick him over me, are you?” “I wish you wouldn’t do that, it’s not fair, I can’t concentrate… but don’t stop.  And of course I bloody wouldn’t, not when I waited so long to find you again! Holy fuck Joe, how do you do that…” “You wouldn’t have dreamed of using language like that once upon a time – hardly ladylike but then I suppose you never really did have those kinds of aspirations… And I don’t mind in the least. Now let’s see what you say to this, hmm?” “….” A fair while later: “Orlando is cute enough but I agree, he doesn’t quite have your charisma and sometimes I wonder what actually goes on inside his head…You know what he said when I met him in London last year and gave him that card with a picture of your armour on it? ‘Oh, a Ned Kelly picture!’ Honestly.” “Now don’t be too hard on the poor fella, that play was pretty tough for him, I saw it first hand.” “How could I forget, I nearly had a heart attack when I saw you put in an appearance! I’m surprised everyone didn’t see that, it was like sparks were suddenly flying from the stage!” “Well you know it was my surprise for you and Nuit. I knew you would appreciate it, and it felt like some kind of special acknowledgment was in order, in honour of the occasion an’ all.” “Boy did we appreciate it! And I am thankful to Orlando, he brought you into my life, not to mention the many wonderful friends I would not have met otherwise. He is probably responsible for creating thousands of friendships that span the globe, and it was lovely to get a chance to tell him so. That is if he ever read the card!” “I’m sure he did. Wouldn’t have been much point trying to tell him there outside the theatre anyway, with all those sheilas carrying on the way they did. I have to say he handled all that admirably! Times have certainly changed as far as women are concerned; I’d hate to hear what my mother would say if she was around today!” “I can very well imagine… Just as well she’s not here to share her opinion huh? Although I do think she would like to see women have the kind of independence she could only have dreamed about. Life must have been incredibly frustrating at times for a strong woman like her. Or Ellen Kelly for that matter.” “I can see you’re getting warmed up about your favourite topic again, the women in the Kelly story…” ”Well they do deserve more attention than they generally get. I’m looking forward to the day FLC writes her book, it’s a disgrace that with all those books written about the Kelly story the women have been largely ignored!” “I wonder if she needs help with the research? Perhaps I should check…” “Oh I’m sure she would appreciate some help Joe! And she might need some more persuading which is what you’re especially good at… I suppose I have been monopolising your time a bit lately but you know how much I enjoy having you here.” “I do indeed, and no harm in that. It’s good to see you writing again. You know I never had a problem with your earlier stories but I do understand why you felt you needed to take them down. Although it’s a bit of a shame, I kind of liked how you wrote me… Not sure so many of my contemporaries would have seen me like that.” “Oh I don’t know about that, I’m sure most of the Joe girls from back then would have nodded their heads with approval!” “Those that could read… What can I say? I always loved the company of women.” “Nothing much has changed then huh?” “Not really but you wouldn’t have me any other way, would you?” “I suppose not… But can you just pretend you need to convince me before you go?” “Like this?” “Yes, exactly like that… Holy fuck…” “You really need to expand your vocabulary a bit, lass. I can recommend a couple of books for you to read while I’m gone. Perhaps it’s not too late to start with that whole ladylike thing, even at your age…”

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