| Chapter Five - A Returning Six months was his punishment, and every day was counted. I missed Joe, those laughing words that always made the worst day less, the quiet talks and wild rides. A loneliness that was far worse than I had ever expected, and quiet worry that was always there and more so when I looked up at the sun, and thought of what he might be doing, of how his day could be passing and of all the terrible stories that one heard of that place. The winter was cold and hard and me Ma so frail that at times it was if the only thing that remained of her now was her breath. Every day we waited for her last but each day she gasped and muttered her way through each spoonful of broth, each kind word, and she either smiled or hissed until we tucked her into bed. Thinking that this night she would not wake again. She had no will to live but she lived and it seemed that we died with each day that passed. Or least I did for I could see no future that was like the ones that we had dreamed of as children, not in this place. But at last what seemed like forever did come to an end and his time was done and I sold me butter in town early that morning and then waited in the shadows, hanging back from the gates that day that he was freed. Watching and waiting but keeping me distance because I thought that his Mam would be there. But she was not, there was no Byrnes there to meet their son and brother. No one to wrap arms around him and welcome him home. I could feel his disappointment in me own chest when I saw him walk out and look around. I went to run forward to say “I am here Joe, I came for you” but before I could reach him he had turned away and walked with Aaron and the Sherritts, people that I did not really know and I felt shy to be running after him. So I stood back and watched him walking down the hill, his hands in his pockets his head tilted to one side listening to his mate’s words but his eyes still searching for those that should have been there. I rode home more sad that before, sad that Joe had to walk out alone, sad that I had not been braver, that he had not known that I was there. Worrying that he would think that I had not cared. Going over and over in me mind what I should have done. What I should have said. Knowing that Joe would have been there to collect me. Nothing would have stopped him. The day passed in a haze of me thinking that I had seen him or heard him whistle only to look and know that he was not there. And I did not know where to find him and his Mam well if she knew I was not sure if she would be telling me. The way that she looked at me, well at times I could see what she was thinking, wondering what it was that connected me and Joe. And the truth was that I could not be telling her even if she was to ask. So I worried that day away and into the night as well, me sister wanting to be going to bed and me just wanting her to go and to leave me to me thoughts. I was still pushing what had been me supper around on me plate hours after we had washed up the dishes and put me Mam to bed. Meg wanting to know what was ailing me, me unable to eat, all tied up in knots with guilt and worry, me thoughts chasing after Joe, wherever he was. The knock on the door had us jumping, me sister Meg and me both. She motioned at me to sit. Though in truth I was the one that should have been stepping forward. Meg being softer, there had been no fist fights or proving that she was a hard as the boys for Meg, her best weapon being her sharp tongue and I was not certain if that would be saving us from any harm. Though I did not be thinking there was harm waiting behind that rough timber, me heart was telling me that it was nothing to be afraid of but I could see the fear in her face as she went to the door, big lump of wood in one hand and the cast iron fry pan in the other. “Who are you there tis late?” “It’s Joe, Joe Byrne” the whisper from the other side of the door had me smiling and me sister frowning even as she unlatched the door. “Joseph Byrne tis an ungodly hour to be calling” “Truly I be sorry Meg” he glanced down at her hands “I did not be meaning to be giving you a fright and all” Meg looked at her hands and flushed “don’t be foolish Joseph I was building up the fire…And fixing a meal for….well I was fixing…..” Joe he grinned and said something about the little folk being hungry which had me hiding me smile behind me hand and Meg glaring at the both of us even as she thumped the pan down on the table. “Well I’ll be off to me bed then don’t you two be talking all night we have cows to be milking and butter to be making in the morning.” She fair flounced out the kitchen did Meg. “Still not liking to laugh much is yer sister” He was talking, smiling even as he put his arms around me pulling me close against his chest. I hung on to him, smelling that familiar smell that was Joe, feeling the warmth of him, hearing his heart beat. It was like finding me self again, the bits that had been feeling all rough and raw soothed over and I could breathe again and smile even though little tears were squeezing around the corner of me eyes. “I missed yer Mai” words a rumble in his chest so that I tilted me head slightly to look up at him. “Don’t you be going away like that again Joe, do yer hear me” I don’t know what it was that made me seize his face between me hands and to whisper so fiercely “don’t you be leaving me Joe Byrne, promise me that you’ll never be going away from me. That we will be friends til we are old and grey…” “I’ll do me best Mai, I will” his words a whisper too and his eyes they was real bright as he leaned to kiss me forehead and then me lips. Not a lovers kiss but that stuff that was between Joe and me, that here I am and here we are all underlined with his lips touching mine. Joe was free, where he belonged and we sat on the grass out under the stars and we talked. I told him that I had seen him coming out of the goal and he smiled saying that he had been looking for me and what sort of silly goose was I to be worrying about Aaron’s family. We talked until the sun did come peeking over the top of the gum trees, talked as we milked the cows and then made that cream into butter. And we didn’t talk as we rode like we was possessed on that dusty dry road into Beechworth, every hoof beat drumming that we was alive and we was free. |