 Chapter 11
For a while life went on and everything
seemed almost normal. Patrick got a job with the blacksmith in Beechworth, found
lodgings just around the corner from The Hibernian and spent more and more time
with Mary. I was happy for them but deep down I felt a tinge of resentment at
how easy and simple things were for them. Aaron got married at New Year’s; I
hadn’t talked to him since coming back and the couple of times I had seen him
around Beechworth, I got the distinct impression he was avoiding me. I wasn’t
really surprised, especially as people talked more and more openly about his
dealings with the police saying it was only a matter of time before the Kelly
Gang caught up with him. Joe was more and more preoccupied, he
told me they were planning something that would make the coppers sit up and take
notice and I felt a cold dread that I tried not to show. Every time he left me I
wondered if I would see him again and it was starting to take its toll on me.
Winter set in and I felt cold all the time, no matter how warmly I tried to
dress. Mr. Vandenberg remarked on how pale I looked and one night after I
fainted at work, he insisted that I stay home for a couple of days to have a
proper rest. Mary came by the next morning to see how
I was. “Eileen, you need to get some food into
you, you’re but skin and bones!” She set about to cook me breakfast but
the smell of frying eggs had me run outside and be sick. When I came back in,
she gave me a long look. “Eileen – you’re with child, aren’t you?” I stared at
her as it dawned on me that she was right. “Jesus Mary and Joseph… No…”
Mary gave me a grim smile. “Aye, Joseph.
Do you think he will be happy at the news?” I sat down heavily. “But I can’t tell him
Mary, not now… He’s already got too many things to worry about, I don’t want…”
Mary interrupted me. “He’s the father of
your child. He has a right to know. And it’s his responsibility
too.” Mary left after she had made me eat some
bread and I just sat there with my head in my hands for a long time, trying to
make sense of things. After the initial shock started to wear off I felt a tiny
spark of happiness and hope. I was carrying Joe’s child. Surely that would make
him reconsider his decision not to leave Victoria. We could go somewhere where
nobody knew us, start again, have a family and live a normal life. But as soon
as I thought it, I knew it would never be. Not because Joe didn’t love me or
wouldn’t love our child but because he was committed to the mad Irish dream of a
republic he and Ned had and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t see him
abandoning it. Not for me, or his child. In fact, if anything he would be even
more determined because of us. Trying to make things better, to give us a
future. Dusk had just fallen when there was a
knock on the door. “Eileen?” Joe’s voice called and I rushed
to open the door. “Joe!” He picked me up and I hugged him
to me. “Are you alright lass? Tom was at The
Vine last night and he told me you had taken ill.” He sat down with me on his
lap, looking tired and worried and I made a decision. I wouldn’t tell him, not
yet. Surely it would be better to give him some comfort and love than add to his
worries? So I smiled and threaded my fingers in his hair. “I’m grand Joe, especially now you’re
here. I think I was just overtired and needed a bit of rest. But what are you
doing here, I wasn’t expecting you till tomorrow?” He started kissing my neck and mumbled
against it: “I missed you too much.” His fingers were already unbuttoning my
dress and when his mouth covered my breast I shivered with pleasure and it got
too hard to think so I let it all go. There was something different about the
way Joe made love to me that night, one moment he was so tender it brought tears
to my eyes and the next he was desperately passionate, as if he couldn’t get
close enough to me. Never once did he let me go, his arms holding me to him even
for the brief moments when we slept. In the morning after he had loved me one
last time, he leaned on his elbow and traced around my face with his fingers.
“I love you Eileen. Knowing that you were
here whenever I needed you has been the only thing that has kept me going these
past months. I’m sure I believed in all the lofty ideas we had to begin with but
now that I’m here I don’t know anymore… Yet we chose our path and there’s no
turning back now. I’m so sorry, lass.” He kissed me gently and when I saw the
tears in his eyes I knew. He had come to say goodbye. “Joe… don’t talk like that. What are you
saying, where are you going? I won’t let you leave me, you can’t, I’m…”
But he silenced me with a desperate kiss.
“Please Eileen, don’t make this harder for me. I love you and I don’t want to
leave you but I don’t have a choice. Some things are bigger than us, worth
making a stand for, I have to believe that.” His eyes were pleading with me. I
could see it was true what he was saying; it wasn’t easy for him to leave. If I
were to tell him about the baby he would still go, only it would truly break his
heart. So I watched him get dressed in the grey light of dawn and tried not to
cry out loud while my heart was breaking instead. “I have asked my brother Paddy to look
after you if…” His voice trailed off and I clung to him, openly sobbing now. His
face was resting against my hair and he was holding me tight. “Goodbye my love.”
One last kiss, fingers holding on and then only air and the sound of hooves
disappearing into the distance and I fell onto the floor in a crumpled heap and
cried my heart out. That was Saturday morning, the 26th of June 1880. That same night Aaron Sherritt was shot dead. |