Chapter Three

“Christ almighty!” one more pothole and the tyres will be fucked. I have nearly had enough of this wild goose chase now, or maybe that should be wild rooster chase huh? Certainly heard him crow. I am about ready to turn back home and put the TV on, what the hell AM I doing anyhow? One doesn’t just simply walk into the Bush, forget that Mordor place, without some preparation. And there is lots to worry about, nevermind some bloke with a firey gaze, here you have proper things, like bumping into one the 1000 types of the world’s most poisonous snake/spider/lizard/platypus things, you name it, they have it here…or getting lost...or being eaten by dingoes...or finding out that he is a delusional mass murderer.

I did prepare, sort of! I had a long hot bath with some of those extra alluring English rose petals in oil, all romantic like- you know the sort, Charlotte Rampling and all fuzzy round the edges. Bits of stuff stick all over you when you emerge slightly dizzy and wrinkled from the tub. Oh very attractive! “No it isn’t a skin condition Joe, if indeed that is your name, just osmosis and some bits of leaves and things.” Can see his face now huh? However, bits of foliage aside, I now smell like a navvy’s armpit on account of the steep incline and the lingering evening heat. Ok so I can hear him too as he backs away a little “Are yer sure you don’t want to take a ride home...?”

And I got a map, one of those ones with the lines to show the gradients, so that I know when I have to go up...ha-ha yeah, thanks for that. The fact that my thighs are shaking with the effort of pushing on these pedals didn’t pass me by. Be Prepared. And some clean knickers, I got those, the least tatty pair anyway. Just call me Brown Owl, as long as I don’t have to sew a badge on we will be sorted. I gave them some thought as it happens, knickers that is… I do happen to have in my possession some of those lacy at the front ones, but apart from the fact that they ride up, so you spend the evening touching your own backside like you have some kind of behavioural issues, I decided after much deliberation that they were too much, not me, something. Maybe something about him too, hell what do I know? I had less than an half hours conversation at best and devastating sex with him once, hardly the basis for a deep psychological analysis, I hear it takes New Yorkers’a life time.

Truth is, apart from the question of underwear, I deliberately decided not to think too much until now. Well that’s not exactly true, I thought about ‘it’ a lot. Maybe a little too much actually, particularly in the supermarket in town over the peas, or down by the cereals, oh alright at the bread counter too. He made me wet just thinking about the feel of his scruff rubbing on my chin, never mind his cock someplace else. I did wonder about making use of the toilets so that I wasn’t in quite such a state of perpetual excitement whilst trying to decide on the granary or the wholemeal, but the idea of a queue building up outside while I tried not to make too much noise, I reckoned might put me off my stride, as it were.. Threw some money at the cashier and half ran home instead. So yeah, gave ‘it’ some thought, just not the logistics of finding a bank robber in the Bush, one that is in hiding to boot. Smart Eva…

He seemed quite sure that I would come, cocky bastard, got me bang to rights though huh? I just hope he didn’t already move on, or maybe, more likely, as I speak there are a dozen of us in the foothills, all sweating like pigs and cursing, somewhat bedraggled but clutching an ordnance survey map of New South Wales to our hearts with hope rather than orienteering skill, as we trip our way through the undergrowth, praying to God some thing deadly doesn’t crawl up our trouser legs… haahahahahah. Now that would have a certain comedy value. Be laughing all the way to the next bank I don’t doubt.

I need to look at the map again. See the trouble is once you are IN the ranges, it is hard to see the ridge, it all seemed quite straight forward from back down there at the edge of the town. Alright, straight on...I guess, should meet up with the track that goes up anytime soon. By way of diversion, I had this idea while I was lying in the aforementioned rose petals like Ophelia, only breathing, that he was someplace doing the same. Well not with petals stuck to his ass, that doesn’t seem so likely, more in a pool somewhere, surrounded by tall weeds, his clothes in a heap on the bank and those worn hands of his rubbing over long limbs and down his chest. Had a hard on like of which a girl might dream and not afraid of touching it neither. Shit…well that made me whimper a little. I am sure he whispered my name haahahah! Get over it Eva.

Going to have to push this bike now, otherwise I will be over the handlebars and lying in the dirt ‘Oh! Hi Joe! Thought I would lie down- save time...you know...and yes I appear to have broken something, afterwards you may have to hoist me over your shoulder...that alright?’ Maybe I’ll just look over the next rise on foot and then its home. Where’s that bloody torch? Dunno about the Truth Scully, but right now getting beamed up around now would be more than welcome.

Alright I can see the clear, well, road would be an exaggeration, a cart might have passed by this way in 1880 or something, some old horse thief’s track I should imagine, but according to this map it takes you to the top of the ridge.

Oh this is taking too long now, half hour at least since I found the track, maybe I went the wrong way down it, maybe I am not even on it anymore. I should go back, right now. Come on Eva- just this once think straight- you have no real idea where you are going and the object of this escapade is to find a man that at the very least is a bank robber and a serial piss artist. Joe Byrne indeed! He’s been dead at least a hundred years and I may be stupid but that cock of his was mostly definitely not a figment of my imagination, good though that maybe.

Holy Fuck…what’s that??

“Are yer lost lass? Only you’ve been round our camp three times already, thought you was staking us out…are yer sure you aren’t dizzy?” Oh very funny try to keep the mirth out of your voice why don’t you?

“Joe…how long have you been watching me?”

“Only since Deniliquin Eva, well a cloud of dust that big wasn’t hard, ye know…I walked behind yer for a while, just to make sure you didn’t end up in the creek, or being followed. Nice view though.”

Busy catching flies with my mouth and blushing just a little it seems till I can say “Bastard! You might have saved me the trouble of trying to follow this bloody map”

“Ah now don’t be like that” I can see him closer now in the gloom, the thin beam of my torch extinguished by his hand just after I saw his smile “best turn that off now though? Just in case. I heard them coppers are buzzing round like horseflies in the December. Anyways, you found me alright…” Christ and I did, a fact that my whole body just raised a cheer to, right at the moment his tongue found mine.